For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God - Romans 3:23
ALL... Such an inclusive word. Great band, too.
This verse has come up a few times over the last few weeks. It's probably one of the most common verses people memorize, shortly after John 3:16. Often, when we commit something to memory, our brains sort of autopilot, and the words can loose meaning. I'd like to regain some of the meaning of what Paul wrote.
ALL - Every leader, parental figure, pastor, teacher... every person created has fallen short. The word choice here is a great example at the limitations of translating languages. Imagine a target, like a dartboard, or archery target. God's standard is not just the middle, but the absolute center. Anything off that point is a miss.
Using rifle marksmanship to further explain this metaphor, when you sight in a rifle, be it to iron sights or an optic, you fire groups of shots. The group of shots may be close on the target. Some may even touch each other. The likelyhood of firing three consecutive shots all through the same hole is just impossible.
Our best attempts... we may think that we are close on target, but however close we think we are, we are still off by God's standard.
When we are in a place of hurt and pain, it offers us a unique perspective. First, how much we need Jesus to "continually work out our salvation," and secondly, how far off target we really are.
Being in any state of pain can be a reminder, that we miss the mark. We need grace. We need to always be in a perpetual state of repentance. There is always more work to be done, to better realign ourselves with an infinite God, and perfect savior.
Years ago, I was a part of a very messy situation. The kind you don't wish on anyone. A number of people, including myself were left hurt, broken, and relationships destroyed. I've been going through a rebuilding process that has taken years.
Fortunately, I haven't been by myself. Having someone I can trust has helped in a number of ways. The most important I think is not turning the people on the other side of the argument into villains. They were created in the likeness of a loving God.
With life events over the past few years, I have been paying closer attention to myself. I’ve always had some concern for how people perceive me, especially when I get reactions that make it obvious that they don’t quite get me. I know I’m weird. I know I can put on a good show.
There’s something else. It’s fake. It’s part of the defenses.
I feel like I have one close friend. Still, even though I’d say we’re close, there are several things that I hold onto that I may never be able to talk about. It sort of reminds me of Shrek. Ogres are like onions. They have layers. If I were to have a hundred layers, I don’t think anyone has made it past level three.
When I share aspects of my inner going-ons, it gives the illusion of trust. This is also a defense mechanism. I may share aspects of an experience, but never the entire thing. Even if I do, it is done so from an informative posture. I may let information exit, but I doubt I will accept any input from an outside source. I may listen; however, I need an utmost amount of confidence to allow outside influence.
A big downside to all this is that it is exhausting. I crave for meaningful relationships, but because of other life events, I have a hard time allowing trust. I have a perpetual state of anxiety from the tug-o-war in my brain. I always maintain an exit strategy. I occasionally vanish, cutting off the world without notice.
Currently, I am exhausted. The last few years have messed me up. I don’t know where to go from here. I know things are broken. I don’t know how the pieces go back together.
So, yeah... Getting back out into the world. Trying to connect now makes one feel more isolated than in peak quarantine.
Yeah, it's like that sometimes. I have put myself in a situation where I'm going to have constant reminders of past life that was previously compartmentalized, locked up, and buried. I ran into someone that immediately excavated one of those containers, spilling its contents. I immediately felt sick. My muscles tensed, my jaw clenched.
That box of memories was locked away over twenty years ago. I left it behind, and did my best to forget any of it ever happened, as to not let it have any hold of my future.
The moment was awkward. The tension filled the room like a rancid stench, and no one could escape. I did my best to maintain my composure, but often my face gives away what is going on behind it.
Apparently, it’s time to address some things…
Over the past few weeks, I’ve feel I’ve been transitioning out of one season, and into another. There are still broken pieces. There are still things in dire need of repair. To dive deeper into medical analogy, it’s time to get out bed, and learn to walk again. Sure, there are going to be follow ups with the doctor. It’s going to take time for everything to work again. What comes next may not look anything like how things were before, and that’s ok.
It still hurts to think about the past events. I have to continually put in effort to forgive. I still feel betrayed by people that I put confidence and trust in. I know it’s affecting my ability to move forward.
Where my family is at now is strange in some ways. There are people that I know from what seems a separate lifetime. There are genuinely good people, who know they aren’t perfect, and don’t pretend to be.
I’m doing my best to resist putting up my usual blockades. I’ve always been able to make people think they are getting to know me, without really getting to know me. It’s like a series of walls and gates, and it takes significant leaps of trust to make it past each one.
Because of this, I still feel like I’m fighting some battles on my own. I know that there are going to be things that I will need to figure out. I miss having my crew that used each other as a sounding board, and support system. Reconstruction is arduous work.
Matthew 25:40 isn’t one of the first verses that come to mind when thinking about corporate worship, but maybe it should be.
With anything involving a large group of people, it’s easy to make decisions based on the desires of the majority of the group. However, we are told to be imitators of Jesus. His example would have us do the opposite.
The parable of the lost sheep teaches us to go after the one that is lost. Reading the Gospels, we learn that Jesus lived this out. He would seek out those on the fringes of society.
In corporate worship, those who are spiritually healthy will engage. They will listen to and follow the Holy Spirit.
I’m reminded of YouTube videos of children hearing a parent’s voice for the first time. When they obtain the ability to hear, and begin to understand what is going on around them, it is a powerful moment, even for those who are observing.
As worship leaders who go after those on the edges, we can help those without a sensitive ear learn what to listen for; help them learn His voice. When we help them engage, it is edifying for the entire congregation.
"Grease 'em!" The saying brings scenes of old black and white mob movies, sounds of machine gun fire. The saying of the squeaky wheel gets the grease is no longer valid. Today, things that are broken aren't often fixed. We're more likely to throw them out and replace them with something new. We have become consumers in every aspect of life. Everything, everyone is disposable.
Someone was asking me why I have so many delays and reverbs.
Well... Because... One doesn't do what they all do together. Layering drive pedals helps build natural amp-like tones. Layering other effects has a similar outcome.
The El Capistan and the Alter Ego are both emulations of tape delays. They both do a great job, but they have their differences.
Reverb pedals... Pedals that emulate the sound of a spring are different than pedals that are trying to emulate the sound of a space, like a hall. A signal going into a spring reverb, than into a hall sounds different than if you put the signal from the hall into the spring. There are signal flow options that you can only do if you have a number of stompboxes, versus an all in one effects unit.